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A public school teacher from Houghton was arrested earlier today at O R Tambo International airport as he attempted to board a flight to Cape Town, while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a Casio calculator.

At a morning press conference, SAPS Commissioner, Riah Piyega, said she believes the man is a member of the notorious 'Al-Gebra' movement. She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Hawks with carrying concealed 'Weapons of Math Instruction.' "'Al-Gebra' is a problem for us", the Police Commissioner said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values."

They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y', and refer to themselves as 'unknowns' or 'variables', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval, with co-ordinates in virtually every developed country in the world."

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Zuma would not comment, as he only has a Standard 3 education, and cannot comprehend the intrinsic power of 'Al-Gebra'. Julius Malema, however, said: "If we were meant to have better 'Weapons of Math Instruction', he would have given us more fingers and toes."

Speaking from the cANCer headquarters in 'Loot-freely House', Gwede Mantashe told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by Malema - it is believed that a Nobel Prize will follow shortly."

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